There's not a day that go by without missing you yet there are a couple of days that i miss you so badly. Like when something trigger a memories i shared with you before or when i accidentally recall the day you left us.
Ayah. I have my regrets for not being the best daughter, for not being able to be by your side at your last few moments. And for the times i made you cry, i remembered 3 occasions; the day i sat down with you and asked that you teach me how to pray, the day i came home for raya when i ran away from home after i was pregnant with Bella and the day i nikah. Ayah, i am sorry.
Ayah, there's so much that i wanna tell you, share with you. So many things has happened the past 2 years since you left us. How i wished i could still talk to you like the old times, listening to your advice and all your stories. And sometimes i feel of all that knows me, you're the only one who knows me best.
I wanna tell you that you were so right when you said that adik would be my strength to move on eventhough so much more things happened. Ayah, you were always on point when it comes to details and things like this. Raif will never know the man that you are. But Ayah, i would share with him what his grandfather was like. I would show him all your photos and he will know how much i love you still. And i bet that you would love Raif as how you love Bella when she was little. I am also sure, you would say that sebiji macam the father.
One of these days, i will come by to visit again. Either with the family or on my own like the last time. And if time permits, i shall stay longer and share to my heart's desire; i would cry by your side and pray for your well being there.
Are you watching us from wherever you are? Are you proud that I've moved on and In Shaa Allah to better things in life. I know that you're better there, that you're no longer tied to duniya. I miss you dearly. You are forever more be my king, the first man i love before everyone else.
