Lately, i have been under alot of stress that's related to almost everything i have, i am doing. My health for instance ; like hello mr monthly, when in the world are you gonna pop out again. Honestly, i miss having my monthly bleed session. Because as it is, i am not pregnant at all! And boy, its not funny to not have your period for a couple of months.
So naturally, i am worried what if there's something wrong with me ? All the negative vibes came to me like, what if i can bore another child ? Then i won't be able to be a good wife or a proper woman. Right now, all i can do is wait for my appointments and follow through everything till i know just what is wrong with me.
Next up, school. Boy, i dread the exams that we have every two months and its like every day is a new subject. I cannot miss a day of school which thank goodness, i never missed one yet. I cannot process the whole thing in my head cause it's just too much things to remember, all the scientific names and what not. Oh please spare me.
Yet, alhamdulilah. The first exam we had, i passed and a Grade A on top of that. All the worrying, last minute uncompleted revision led me to unnessasary negative thoughts. But i still don't wanna get to happy about it, i still have 1 week till the next one. So time to study like mad again. Ugh.
Work is pretty much the way it is already. The stress level is up there but i try my utmost best to never be bothered too much by it cz it will bring me nowhere at all. I am just pretty much waiting for the time that i can voice out and tell my bosses how i feel about being a 'senior nurse' and what not.
What makes work easier are my colleagues and knowing the closest two i know is leaving soon kinda breaks me. Firstly, the system we have the clinic is standard and the three of us knows just how best to do things, handover to the best interest of the next person who takes over our shift. I just don't want the system to be overrun and restarting friendship is so gonna be hard.
Who doesn't stress out for their wedding ? The irony. It is such a stressful matter cause its bringing two families together as much as it is to witness our love and us stepping into a new phase in life as husband and wife. Could we just fast forward to the date so to avoid the whole process which is so tedious and draining. Ugh.
I can't even put in words just how stressful this is to me. I am as nervous as heck for the fact that both Alif & I have decided that we shall let our parents, families meet and so called have the merisik session of knowing our intentions to get married in 2021. Yep, it seems like a long time to go but nope. 18 months to plan and save for a wedding is actually too short of a time.
And on top of which, we will need to prepare and search for a place for us to call home. Oh my. That is gonna be alot of money to spend. There is still alot to discuss and talk with the partner but overall, we kinda know what isit we wanna do. And counting down to the months is nerve-wrecking.
With every bad negative, there is a good to it. Sigh. I couldn't be more glad and blessed with everything kinda going the way it supposed to be. Yet, i still worries for god know what.
To the man who is my laughing buddy, my cuddle teddybear, my singing partner, my heart&soul ; thank you so much for wanting to go down this path with me alongside the kids. Thank you for being patient with me and tolerating my mood swings + merajok moments. Thank you for always having a way to make me smile again and always thinkng positive over certain things. Thank you for always being open to my suggestions on certain matters. I am sorry that i have a tendency of keeping certain things to myself and always assuming the worse in simply everything. I will try to share with you whatever doubts i have i the future.
I am truly thankful and blessed to be loved by you. Syukur alhamdulilah. May allah swt ease our affairs till the date that we wed and till we age & grow old together. Amin. Amin.
