#10

I know i shouldn't but i really can't help it when all the whispers, the little aches that formed in my heart every time i get worried, insecure for no reasons at all. Never once have i doubted, it's just maybe a little gut feeling ? i really do not know.

I feel blessed and loved to be around him. The amount of love i have for him, for his family and for our future is so much that i am afraid if this doesn't work out as how we may have plan it to be. To imagine losing everything we have right now, though in this short period of 4 months or so. we have built so much love, trust and bond between each other that i know this will hurt me the most and it will hurt my kids even worse. 

I would love wholeheartedly and be the most supportive no. 1 fan there is out there. I would do anything to make things work yet I am not perfect, I have my fair share of flaws and anyone else, be it someone new or old, can be much better at all the things that i lack. I can be replace so easily as how those before managed to do it. 

How i hate the way things are so conflicted. For the fact that his birthday is around the corner and i am so excited to be planning and making little stuffs for him yet i am feeling all this. 

Maybe deep down, i love him more than i thought i would and i am probably afraid if he doesn't feel as much as i do or perhaps all this little emotional displays would turn things sour between us.