#07

No words can summarise how much i feel for you right now. It's more than just love and i don't know how i can feel this way for someone.

They say this is just the honeymoon period. Maybe they are true but whatever it is, i don't want to stop feeling this way for you and i hope despite all the upcoming arguments, we will still be as we are right now. You bring out the best in me with the way you that love & care for my well being as well as the kids.

I am really thankful to allah swt for finally letting our paths crossed. Its true when they say that everything happens for a reason, and perhaps what we went through before all this made us understand each other other better in a way only we understand.

' Real love doesn't meet you at your best. It meets you in your mess. - Js Park '

#06

After the previous relationship, i told myself that I'm gonna lead the single life and busy myself with work, my girls, my kids & family. I don't even wanna think about finding someone new to; well, just heal this heart & love again.

I made sure that i didn't have any interest in anyone who may seems like they wanna jump the wagon. There were a few but i ignored them all until one day. 

While i was still being all melodramatic about how it ended and all, came this stranger who would randomly reply my tweets which seemingly innocently just tryna cheer me up as he was also in the same boat. Little did i know, it slowly started becoming a friendship when  i would look for him to confides in and given that i needed a guy point of view on certain issues that i couldn't wrapped my head or heart around.

Moving forward 2-3 weeks down the road, It started with a small bud blooming and how i keep shutting it out cause i wasn't ready for anything yet as it was too early to start anything. Moresoever, i was still heartbroken & pretty much still afraid of the unknown.

And now, i am his and he is mine officially. Genuinely, i believe that this would be my first being with someone based on how we felt for each other and no other motives. On top of that, the date that states the start of it all instead of the date we first met or known each other. The facts of how connected we are from being in the same kindergarten to having the same friends who know both of us to even the distance from mother's house to his camp. We could basically have seen each other but never  once till today.

Maybe this is how fate works its ways through things that we will never understand. We were so close yet so far and how we were loyal to the ones who never meant in the first place. I am blessed beyond words, i can't sum up all this emotions to say just how much this is special and important to me. Syukur alhamdulilah.

I am so in love with you, muhammad alif. Thank you so much for everything and especially for introducing me to your supportive and loving family. 

" I don't want you to love me because i'm good for you, because i say and do all the right things. Because i am everything you have been looking for.

I want to be the one that you didn't see coming. The one who gets under your skin. who makes you unsteady. Who makes you question everything you ever believed about love. Who makes you feel reckless and out of control. The one you are infuriatingly and inexplicably drawn to.

I don't want to be the one who tucks you into bed - i want to be the reason why you can't sleep at night. - Lang Leav "

#05

Hey miamor~

Saturday was something i was looking forward to. However it didn't turn out the way i wanted it to be. I expected so much more, am i to blame cause i didn't foresee this happening & i forgot that my family tends to be a tad hostile. Even though, i was never in such a position before.

On a lighter and positive light, at least Fatin was welcoming & he did get to salam mother. I won't give up, i will keep trying and hopefully get the reaction, respond that I've expecting. Since he is the first one i ever thought of introducing even before we got together.

I know it's too fast for me to move on after the last one. And also, my divorce matters just ended. So, everyone must be thinking that i am out of my mind with this current one.

The more i get to know him, his family. The more i am drawn to him. All the walls i built to keep me from falling deeper fails me as i can sense the sincerity, honesty from him. This feelings i have for him is way different from the rest in every aspect. I didn't know that i would fall for him like this.

Can i take a step forward so i am able trust him and love him wholeheartedly? And also for us to keep holding each other's through every obstacles Allah swt have in store for us. If this is meant to be, it will be. Amin.


" i wish i can apologize for falling in love with you but i can't. 
It would be like asking me to be sorry for breathing " - Michael Faudet

#04

Assalamualaikum miamor

who would imagine that after all these while, it would still hurt ? Will i eventually get over it & truly move on from all those memories, emotions that still haunts me from time to time.

I always wander into wonderment, don't they ever for once think about what we ever had, shared during the time we were together ? Did they for once, missed my presence in their lives, even if they are doing way better than how i am still coping without them in my life.

I am not saying that i am not happy or that i haven't accepted the fact of things. Alhamdulilah that in fact things are so much better compared to when i was with them. I am happier, free and calmer than i imagine.

I am in a slow and steady phase with someone who makes me feel so loved and happy. The smiles and laughter that we shared, helped me forget the pain of those headaches before he entered my life. I can't ask for anything more but just hoping that if he is, let it be. Otherwise, let it be as painless so it doesn't hurt me as badly.

And my dear, i hope that you would be able to love me as i am; the broken pieces, imperfections and all. Do know that with every bits of my heart, i love and treasure you truly.

" My greatest lesson learnt,
you were mine until you weren’t.

It was you who taught me so,
the grace in letting go.

The time we had was all—
there was not a moment more.
- Lang Leav "

#03

Never have i thought that i would feel this way again for someone. After the last time, i didn't want to get into another quite as fast. Even though, we are still in the knowing phase. My feelings for him is crystal clear.

Syukur alhamdulilah that in a way, I've moved on from the last one. Yet, apart of me is still afraid of the what if(s). The uncertainty & doubts that i feel is undeniable. The heartbreak is something i don't want to go through ever & to open up to another person; reveal all my emotions, my secrets and on top of that, my kids. They are my everything, i don't want to either of them crying again.

I am just going to take it all in while i still can. Appreciate everything this current one has to offer. This time, i am going take things slow and not hope so much for the future. I shall leave this in Allah swt hands and if this is real & meant to be, in Shaa Allah..

" He is more to me than I.

 I love him more than I can bear.
So much at times I wish to die, 

so I can end this on a high. - Lang Leav "